youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
