Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
