ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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