oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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