god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
