we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
