Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize