My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
