You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
