and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
