Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
