He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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