my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
