I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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