lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
