Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Im part way to drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
