So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
