would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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