You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
