Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
