let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
