I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mom said you looked used
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
