You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
