sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
