He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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