I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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