im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
