only if we run a train.
done.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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