Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
