dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
