Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
