just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize