I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
