The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
