So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
