i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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