I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
