I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you will always have a special place in my vag
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
