I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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