I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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