Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dick very happy bro
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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