she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
