He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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