he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
