Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
