This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still dying that you shit outside
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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