sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who died my cat blue again?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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