guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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