I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
