Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
