She is in my trunk
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
