I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
