walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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