THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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