you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
