Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
