yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.