He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that