his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
