Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.