Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that