I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?