She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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