she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she smelled like a LAN party
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found your dick twin last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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