In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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