Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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