Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
