home. puking in laundry basket.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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